Rabbit Hole: How Can I Help?

Why are you so sad?

I’m not.

Let‘s go out, that’ll make you feel better.

I want to be completely alone.

I don’t want to be alone.

What’s wrong?

I don’t know.

What can I do to make you feel better?

You can’t, but this would help...

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Ask how you can help.

• Everyone copes with their mental/emotional health differently. For example, sometimes I just want to cuddle and sleep. Sometimes I want to cuddle and cry. Sometimes I want to just cuddle and watch Harry Potter.

Don’t offer advice, unless you’re asked.

• In most cases, this is a reoccurring situation. Trying to offer advice for something neither of us understands is more annoying than helpful.

Check on us.

Make sure we’re eating.

• I was so deep in the Hole once, I didn’t want to eat anything. My roommate would persuade me to go to lunch with her, even if I didn’t want to eat. But just being there with other people (and the smell of wings, because I love wings), I would get a small appetite and eat.

Make sure we’re staying hydrated.

• The amount of time people spend in The Hole varies. For the example I gave above, I was in that Hole for a month. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts and feelings, I didn’t care about the living essentials. Luckily, I had a roommate who made sure I had what I needed (thanks Gladys).

Shower

• For this one, be very attentive. There’s something about being in a shower/bath that exacerbates the turmoil we’re surviving. I’m not going to say that every person surviving this has thought about hurting themselves, but I’d be remiss to not share that I was in 6th or 7th grade when I thought about it.

Story time

I had just got home from school to start my every day routine:

Go to my room

Lock my door

Turn on the radio so no one hears me cry

I remember it being so dark in my room that day (it was in the basement), even with my blinds open. So I thought if I removed the cover from the ceiling light, it would make room brighter. I stood on a chair and unscrewed the cover with tears in my eyes, and dropped the glass cover on the carpet. Huge chunks of glass everywhere. I sat on the floor trying to pick them up, completely overwhelmed. I picked up the first one and placed it near my wrist. I felt this flood of emotion in my heart and heard the voices of those mean ass kids in school (you’re ugly; you’re so weird; you’re such a nerd); I felt completely inadequate to live. But at the same time, I heard a voice in midst of all that, that told me to put it down, that I wasn’t done just yet. So I did. I left all the glass there and cried myself to sleep for a couple of hours.

Granted, this didn’t happen to me while taking a shower. But, there are razors and mirrors in bathrooms, and people are in there alone in most cases. So just be attentive.

Just BE with us.

• We’re not broken, we’re just trying to survive. So just being with us throughout this process really helps. Whether it's being there with us in complete silence or just holding us while we cry, your warm energy definitely helps.

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This post is dedicated to my friend Gladys (my bff). You helped me more than you could ever know.

And to all those who want to help but don’t know where to start, just ask.

Successfully,

Flor E. Carabez