I'm Tired of Feeling Broke!

This was me a few years ago.

Graduating from undergrad in 2014, I was prepared to receive all the opportunities I was promised from doing as I was told.

Top-paying job.

House.

Car.

Stress-free living.

Success.

Instead, I was lucky enough to find a job working for the State of Illinois with a $25K salary (no benefits, of course); had no choice but to move back to my parents' house in Chicago; and received a beautiful panic-attack-inducing letter from the Department of Education that my Student Loan repayments were starting in six months...

Although this reality is shared by most college students, the options to "rack-up" start to vary for a smaller group of us. While some college grads were putting their financial plan to play, I was, not only feeling guilty for graduating from college and having to move back into my parents house for their financial support, but also had no clue how to manage my money. I felt this constant pressure to move out and support myself, even though my parents never made me feel like I had to leave; meanwhile spending the money I had left after my loan payments to eat out at Hooters and drink. As a matter of fact,my parents never even asked me for a dime. But being the first person in my family to graduate from literally EVERYTHING, I couldn't help but feel guilty.

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About a year after graduating, my boyfriend and I decided to buy a condo in Indiana. He had already been living in Indiana for a few years and just so happened to have an aunt that processed loans for a local bank that offered to help us with the whole process. Here came some new realizations...

• The debt-to-income ratio was too high (thanks to loan debt)

• Diplomas ≠ houses

• Time really is money

  • Where did all of mine go?

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Fast-forward to closing time, I wasn't able to be included in the mortgage. Luckily, I had saved some of my refunds to at least contribute $1,500 on the down payment, but I would not be reaping the credit-building benefits of being a homeowner.

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You would think that this experience would've "taught me a lesson" to get my money matters in order, but it didn't.

We moved in on May 1st and by May 30th I was unemployed. I can't even begin to explain to you how useless I felt being at our brand new home, with a college degree, and no income.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I live with anxiety and depression; and at the time, I hadn't been diagnosed just yet, but my mental health did plummet during this time. I found myself trying to sleep days away, hoping I would wake up to something different, of course knowing that that's now how life works. But that's what my brain wanted to do because if I was awake, I was constantly reminding myself how even with a college degree, I'm insufficient.

After a few weeks, my dad reached out and basically demanded me to exercise so I could get my mind right, and it worked, but running doesn't pay bills.

I got to the point where I had to humble myself down and apply to jobs that didn't even require a degree, just to be told that I was over-qualified. Out of desperation and need, I decided to join a multi-level marketing (MLM) company.

I know people have negative connotations with MLMs, but this was the only opportunity I was granted at the time, and I don't regret it one bit. I was introduced to the world of personal development, and being surrounded by positive people was exactly what my spirit needed at the time. Meanwhile, my hope was being replenished, though, I was continuing to dig my financial hole. I continued using the one credit card I had been approved for to purchase home essentials, groceries, and whatever product I needed to start my business. I remember how powerful I felt being able to swipe the card, reassuring myself that I could just pay it back later, until one day the card didn't go through.

So I log onto my Credit Karma account and learn that I'm pre-qualified for another card.

And I max that one out too.

And then I get approved for another one, and then a couple of store cards, and then yet another one, until I've maxed out every card and got denied of getting more.

August comes along and I get hired at Columbia College Chicago (hope!) and decide to move forward with earning my Master's degree. So here I go racking up more student loan debt because, well, it can't get THAT much worse; and with a Master's, I HAVE to get a raise.

Graduation comes in 2016 along with now over $100K of student loan debt, a $26K car note (oh yeah, did I forget to mention I bought a brand new car?), and about $8K of credit card debt. Once my student loan payments restarted, I quickly realized I was in some deep s#^!. I found myself asking my boyfriend for money because my account kept going negative, and then my mom, and then my sisters; of course they couldn't always help me, so there were a lot of times where my account had gone from -$10 to -$80 because of over-withdrawal fees and whatnot.

Once again I felt defeated, trapped, and pissed. This just couldn't be life. Not-to-mention that my financial habits were also negatively impacting my romantic relationship. I finally gathered the courage to write down all of my monthly expenses and subtract them from my monthly take-home pay, so I could know exactly what I was working with. The fact of the matter was that I could not afford to live with my boyfriend anymore. My salary was just not enough to pay for my half of living here and all my bills. I ended up having to sit him down and admit my financial deficit.

Because of this vulnerable conversation, (and our commitment to one-another) my boyfriend offered to cover all of the mortgage and association fees so I could start paying down my debts. I actually had never shared with him how low I had been feeling about my money situation and even admitted to being a bit jealous of his buying power, even without a college degree.

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Since 2017 I had not contributed to a single mortgage or association payment until April of this year. And since 2017 my original money map (or budget) has morphed in design, result, name, and platform. There were many months where I was doing great, but then I'd use my card for a birthday gift or Christmas, and would be so upset at myself having to update my money map to reflect the regress. Being in this financial deficit gave me no choice but to look for ways to either bring in more money, or cut down on my expenses.

Yes, I drove Uber for a few months after work and on the weekends. I had also volunteered to launch our financial literacy program (oh the irony) at Columbia, from a partnership we had just established with American Student Assistance, which gave me exposure to so many more resources that have been instrumental throughout my journey.

I learned about:

• Consolidation and every single repayment plan option available for Federal Student Loans

• Public Service Loan Forgiveness Program (PSLF) (which I made a post about a while ago, BTW.)

• Interest

• Compound Interest

• Needs vs. Wants

• Goal-Setting

But most importantly, I learned that I am capable of learning things about money and adopting financially-freeing strategies.

As I incorporated these strategies and saw progress on my money map, I also felt the increased empowerment to not only ask questions and do more research, but also share the knowledge I was gaining. Being in control of where my money went felt liberating!

And that's the key, to be in control of where your money goes and have healthy feelings along the way.

Last year in March, I switched my money map from pen-and-paper to an excel file, and added a sheet to show my overall expenses. Today I am not completely debt-free, but I'm happy to report that I am over $8K free-er since last year.

But most importantly, I feel successful. I feel in control. I feel hopeful. And I feel like healthy money conversations aren't just for white people.

I've realized that my family's generational wealth is going to have to start with me, and I can help others pioneer their's along the way.

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Successfully,

Flor E. Carabez, M.Ed